Is it okay if I bring my laptop to class to take notes?
No, sorry, not any more. Now that Wheaton allows wireless internet access in most classroom, the college has provided you with too many opportunities for distractions. Think I'm over-reacting? Think you're a master of multitasking? You're not.
What are your policies about the format and length of papers?
All papers must be typewritten and double-spaced. Your name and CPO number, along with the name of the course, should appear at the top left or right of the first page. Each paper should have a title, and the pages should be numbered. In other respects follow the MLA Handbook’s guidelines for manuscript preparation, and follow them precisely. You don’t need to be too pedantically concerned with the length of your papers — if I have assigned a 2500-word essay and yours comes in at 2375, you needn’t sweat — but do take the guidelines seriously in a general sort of way, and remember that overly long essays are just as unwelcome as too-brief ones.
What if my computer crashes just before I finish it?
Alleged computer problems will not constitute an acceptable reason for lateness. Learn to cover your bases by knowing your word-processing application thoroughly, saving your documents regularly, and keeping backup copies of all documents on different disks than the originals.
How important are spelling and punctuation and things like that?
There is no justification for college students’ making elementary errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar. More than five errors in spelling or the formation of possessives will earn an essay an automatic F. Repeated grammatical errors will have the same effect. You need to be a careful editor of your work, or, if you're not confident that you can do that, you need to take your drafts to the college's Writing Center.
When are papers due?
Essays (including take-home exams) are due by 11:59 PM on the date indicated unless I specify otherwise. I prefer for you to email your papers to me as PDFs. If you use a Mac you have the built-in ability to convert any document to a PDF; if you use a PC you may have the necessary software, but if you do not there are several free online options: see here and here and here and here. In an emergency you may send me .doc or .rtf files, but I won't be happy about it — and please do not send me anything in Microsoft's new .docx format. (I can open those files, but don't think I should have to.) I ask you to use PDFs because that format can be read on any computer, on any platform, and no matter who opens it the essay will look exactly the same. None of these things can be said for any other file type.
Also, put your last name in the name of your document, and send it to me in an email with a meaningful subject line. I do not enjoy having thirty PDF files on my desktop all with names like "Paper1" or "JacobsEssay" or "Virgil."
You may of course bring hard copies to the English Department and put them in the designated pigeonhole, but in that case you'll need to turn them in before 5 PM.
What are your policies on late papers and extensions?
You may purchase extensions from me at the cost of five points on your paper’s grade per day. (Saturdays and Sundays count the same as other days, though you shouldn’t work on the Sabbath.) No more than five days may be purchased for any one paper.
What’s the deal with these reading quizzes you seem to like so much?
Reading is the great lost art of our time. It often seems that virtually no one knows how to read a book carefully, thoroughly, and responsively. The reading quizzes are an integral part of my effort to teach my students how to read well. These quizzes will not require interpretation; they will be strictly factual, and their chief purpose will be to make sure you have carefully read the works assigned. (The essays and exams will ensure that you have understood them.) No quizzes may be made up under any circumstances, though in special cases they may be taken in advance. No quizzes will be dropped from your final grade. You may not leave class after taking a quiz. If you do so, your grade for the quiz will be zero. Anyone whose final quiz average is below fifty percent will fail the course.
What’s your attendance policy?
I don't enforce attendance. But remember that you are responsible for everything that happens in every class. Please do not ask me to repeat for your benefit anything I have said in a class you have missed. Your written work need not express agreement with anything I say—in fact, I welcome disagreement—but it should take my comments into account and show an awareness of them. Also, I know when you skip. I know.
Are you a stickler for etiquette or something?
Well, yes, in a way. So come to class on time. If you must be late, come in as inconspicuously as possible and take a seat near the door if you can. Those of you who come early should leave the seats next to the door open. If you walk in front of me while I’m talking I will smite you. (Really, I mean it. I will hit you with whatever happens to be in my hand at the time, which, please remember, could be something the size of Ulysses or The Lord of the Rings or — worst of all for you — The Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism.) Please do not eat, sleep, read the paper, study for other classes, talk, or make rude noises in class. If you write an email asking something of me, and I respond with the requested information, write back to say thank you. In general, be respectful and courteous to me and to your classmates, as I’m sure your parents taught you to do.
How can I get in touch with you if I need to talk?
Because there are so many of you and so few of me, it is hard for me to return your phone calls. Actually, I hate the telephone and try to pretend it was never invented. It’s better to visit during my scheduled office hours, when I will always be happy to see you. If you want to make sure you get in to see me, there will normally be a sign-up sheet posted on my office door. Email and IM are better still.